EBSA | Building a Sense of Belonging

As parents, we want our children to feel happy and secure at school. But when your child is experiencing Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA), this can feel like an enormous challenge. If you're reading this, chances are you've already been on quite a journey with your child, navigating the complexities of the education system and perhaps feeling a bit lost or overwhelmed at times. Please know that you are not alone, and that your efforts to support your child will have already been positive.

I want us to explore the concept of 'sense of belonging' and why it's so crucial for children struggling with EBSA. By focusing on this, we want to help our children feel more comfortable and confident at school.

The Power of Positive Relationships

One of the most important factors in building a sense of belonging is having strong, positive relationships with adults at school. For many children experiencing EBSA, having just one trusted adult can make all the difference.

Start by talking with your child about the adults at school they feel most comfortable with. This might be a class teacher, a teaching assistant, or even a member of the office staff. Don't worry if it's not who you might expect – the important thing is that your child feels a connection.

Once you've identified this person (or people), reach out to the school to discuss how this relationship can be nurtured. Could your child check in with this adult at the start of each day? Might they be available during particularly challenging times, like transitions between classes?

Remember, you know your child best. Share insights with the school about what helps your child feel safe and understood. Perhaps your child responds well to a particular type of praise, or maybe they need extra time to process information. The more the school understands your child's needs, the better they can support them.

Fostering Peer Connections

While relationships with adults are important, we can't underestimate the importance of friendships for our children. However, for many children with EBSA, social interactions can be a source of anxiety.

Start small. Talk with your child about any positive peer interactions they've had, no matter how minor they might seem. Did someone smile at them in the corridor? Did they work well with a partner in class? These small moments can be building blocks for stronger connections.

Consider speaking with your child's teacher about seating arrangements or group work. Could your child be paired with a particularly kind or patient classmate? Sometimes, having just one friendly face in the classroom can make a big difference.

Clubs and groups can also be a great way to foster friendships in a less pressured environment. Does your school offer any lunchtime clubs that align with your child's interests? These can provide a structured way for your child to interact with like-minded peers.

Remember, it's okay if progress is slow. Every child is different, and what works for one might not work for another. The key is to keep the lines of communication open with your child and the school, celebrating every small step forward.

Creating a Safe Space

For many children experiencing EBSA, having a 'safe base' at school can be incredibly reassuring. This doesn't have to be a large or elaborate space - sometimes, just knowing there's a quiet corner where they can go if things feel overwhelming can make all the difference.

Start by talking with your child about what makes them feel safe and calm. Is it a quiet space with soft furnishings? A desk in a less busy part of the classroom? Or perhaps a space where they can engage in a calming activity, like drawing or reading?

Once you have an idea, approach the school to discuss how this could be implemented. Many schools are very open to creating these spaces, as they can benefit a wide range of pupils. You might suggest:

• A designated 'calm corner' in the classroom
• A quiet area in the library or resource room
• A specific staff office where your child can go if they need a moment

It's important that all staff are aware of this safe space and that your child knows they can access it when needed, without feeling judged. This isn't about avoiding challenges, but about providing a temporary retreat where your child can regulate their emotions before re-joining their peers.

Celebrating Small Victories

When dealing with EBSA, it's easy to focus on the challenges. But recognising and celebrating progress, no matter how small, can be incredibly powerful in building your child's confidence and sense of belonging.

These victories might look different for every child. For some, it might be staying in school for a half day. For others, it could be speaking up in class or eating lunch in the dining hall. The key is to acknowledge these moments and let your child know you've noticed their efforts.

Consider creating a 'success journal' with your child. This could be a notebook where they (or you) jot down something that went well each day. It doesn't have to be big - maybe they smiled at a classmate, or remembered all their books. Over time, this can build a powerful record of progress.

When celebrating these victories, be careful not to add pressure. Phrases like "See, I knew you could do it!" or "That wasn't so bad, was it?" might seem encouraging, but can sometimes make children feel that they're expected to repeat the success immediately. Instead, try something like, "I noticed you managed to stay for the whole assembly today. How do you feel about that?"

Sharing these successes with school staff can also be beneficial. It helps build a positive narrative around your child and ensures that their progress is recognised. You might send a quick email to their teacher or mention it at pick-up time.

Remember, progress isn't always linear. There may be setbacks along the way, and that's okay. The important thing is to keep noticing and valuing those small steps forward.

Advocating for Your Child

As parents, we often find ourselves in the role of advocates for our children, especially when they're experiencing EBSA. It's important to remember that you know your child best, and your insights are invaluable to the school.

Effective communication with the school is key. Try to establish a regular channel of communication with your child's teacher or the school's SENCO. This could be a weekly email update or a short meeting every fortnight. Regular contact helps build a collaborative relationship and ensures small issues don't become big problems.

When discussing your child's needs, be specific and solution-focused. Instead of saying, "My child is anxious about school" try, "My child finds the noise in the dining hall overwhelming. Could we look at ways to make lunchtime easier for them?" This approach helps the school understand the exact nature of the problem and makes it easier to find practical solutions.

Don't be afraid to ask questions or request clarification if you don't understand something. The education system can be complex (even for those that work in it!), and it's okay to ask for explanations. If you're unsure about a particular support strategy or intervention, ask how it's expected to help and how progress will be measured.

Remember, advocating for your child doesn't mean you're being difficult. You're all working towards the shared goal of helping your child feel comfortable and succeed at school. If you feel you're not being heard, consider bringing a friend or family member to meetings for support, or reach out to local parent support groups for advice.

Conclusion

Building a sense of belonging for a child experiencing EBSA is a gradual process, and it's important to be patient - both with your child and yourself. There may be setbacks along the way, but remember that every small step forward is progress and provides examples of success.

Throughout this, take care of yourself too. Supporting a child experiencing EBSA can be emotionally tiring, and it's okay to admit when you're finding things tough. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups for parents in similar situations. Sometimes, just knowing you're not alone can make a world of difference.

Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all solution to EBSA. What works for one child might not work for another, and strategies may need to be adapted over time. Stay flexible, keep the lines of communication open with your child and the school, and don't be afraid to try new approaches.

Most importantly, hold onto hope. With the right support and understanding, many children experiencing EBSA do find their place in school, or find wonderful successes with alternative provisions and go on to thrive. Your efforts in supporting your child through this challenging time are invaluable, even when progress feels slow.

Your persistence and love are making a difference, even on the toughest days.

EBSA Schools Training

EBSA Educational Psychologist CPD

Whole Local Authority EBSA Initiative